9:35a I forgot to call Michele yesterday. Well, I did remember her and her birthday, but then I got involved in work and forgot to make time to call her. I don’t suppose she could hate me more than she already does anyway.
October 17, 2019: Forgotten birthdays are a common occurrence for me. It’s a part of me I do not understand. I do love deeply. I think about my beloved heartstrings all of the time. I dive into memories of the time we have shared. I feel proud and moved by certain character traits they possess. I feel a yearning to be deeply connected in conversation and presence.
And yet I keep my distance. Most of my friends and family would tell you they feel neglected by me. I never seem to have time for them. I don’t remember their birthdays. I don’t send cards or gifts anymore. I don’t call, and I rarely answer their calls.
And yet, deep down inside, I cherish them. Why do I find myself incapable of showing it?
I long for more than personal development and professional accomplishment these days. I long for deep, authentic connection.
But longing will not make it so. It’s the doing that follows the longing that has the capacity for change. How now shall I live?