7a Mom has arrived in Woodinville, Edward has flown home to Virginia, and I return to Spokane today. I am looking forward to almost two weeks alone in my apartment, anxious to see how well I can adhere to my new life principles whilst in the “comfort of my own home”. Will I eat properly? Sleep? Stay sober and mindful? Work diligently?
And the big question still hangs in the air… Where do I go from here?
I have no answer to that end. I only know the next step that I must take.
Am I to be an astrologer? I certainly enjoy the art, but do I want to see an endless stream of clients? How will I be trained? What is my niche? How will I market and support myself? How will I afford the training costs?
I want to make a plan, but none is being hinted at for me.
An equally big question hangs in regards to the rest of this year. What of work and travel? I am committed to being in Florida in December to hold my new grandson. Do I drive or fly? Do I spend Thanksgiving in Myrtle Beach this year?, and do I drive or fly? If I drive, by what route? And when do I leave? And who and what am I to see along the way?
So much unknown, and I do not like to operate like this. But I am, and I will, as long as necessary. I know that I can trust the divine plan of the Universe.
3p It hardly seems a proper homecoming without a bottle of wine. There was a 2010 Cab sitting on the table when I arrived back at the apartment in Spokane, and it called to me instantly. I was saved by my integrity. I didn’t not drink it because of my commitment to myself in regards to alcohol but because of my desire for integrity – that wine belongs to my Mom, and it is not mine to drink.
Regardless, I passed the test, so to speak. There are lots of tools in my basket which I have acquired over time, and all of them are at my disposal in this quest. And it is a quest.
There is a part of me that is screaming out, How can you do this?! How can you do this to your mother?! How could you do this to Pop?! How can you do this to Edward?!”
And yet, a deep part of me also knows that I am doing this for them. We all have the privilege of choice in this situation. We can each choose how to process, respond and act. I am only responsible for the ripple effect my action will take, and therein lies the ART. How do you live authentically and in truth and do so in such a way that brings love and hope, not negative changes?
…in the people you love.
I’m always looking for evidence that my life will be extraordinary, that I will do something of significant value, that I am a person of significance. Am I really meant to do great things? I suppose that the smallest things we do are really great, but I am talking scale.
I read something today from my birth chart at Cafe Astrology, under “Opposition: Sun-Neptune”: “You have a desire to be something special or to experience something more than the ordinary… In order to add a greater-than-ordinary dimension of experience to your life that helps you feel special and important, you might be attracted to Neptune-ruled behaviors. In some way, you may feel a strong urge to glamorize your role in the world. There can be some confusion about the past (such as remembering childhood experiences in ways that are far removed from reality), and a tendency to daydream about being someone more ‘important’ than you feel you are… You are likely to recognize at some point in your life that you have a tendency to engage in escapist and self-destructive fantasies and/or habits”.