The fury of urge and incapacity

September 21, 2016 ~ Wednesday

7a From The Soul’s Code:

“In the acorn lies not only the completion of life before it is lived, but the dissatisfied frustration of unlived life. The acorn sees, it knows, it urges – but what can it do?”

“This discrepancy between seed and tree, between the spindle in the lap of the gods in heaven and the traffic in the lap of the family on earth, packs the acorn with the fury of incapacity, of reach without grasp; the acorn is like a tiny child impurpled with rage because it cannot do what it imagines.”

Amen!

In reading my life backwards, can I see my daimon and its fury? What image does it urge in me?

I have always, always, always felt the urge to write – and the frustration of having so little worth saying. My “journals” were full of starts and stops and lengthy gaps, as what was of so great import anyway? And yet I felt that I MUST WRITE.

What of my fears? Fears of being trapped, fears of the demonic – do these have any lessons for me? What of my fury against injustice? Does this point the way?

Where do I turn, now 44? Might I create a life of my dreams and a life worth dreaming? Where might I make my most valuable contribution? What endeavor is worth my time and talent, that I may one day look back in satisfaction of how I have spent myself? Will I ever smile a smile so deep?

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