5a I was “off” yesterday. I had worked so hard the day before, and I was just fried yesterday. I am tempted to be disappointed in myself, but there is no need for that. I used my time to determine that I can make this trip to Florida, that it is well within my means to do so.
The next question is not can I but should I? Is this the wise move? How will I maintain my productivity while on the road?
I feel like collapsing in a heap and throwing a temper tantrum. This is so hard, trying to feel my way through all of this. I keep telling myself to smile, but this is serious work!, and my whole future is at stake.
What if my idea flops? What if I can’t find enough self-discipline? What if I can’t find the right team members? What if I can’t learn how to delegate effectively? What if my products come across as “two buck chuck” instead of fine wine? What if this is all about my ego and me thinking that I am something special?
Okay, Sonya. Calm yourself. Breathe. Those are all good, logical questions. What does your heart and your gut tell you?
That I have something of value to offer, and that people need this service. This is a legitimate means for me to live my dreams and serve the world. If others can do it, why can’t I? I am tired of sitting on the sidelines watching others live the life I want to be living. This is my chance, my golden opportunity.
It just feels chaotic right now because I have dismantled my structures. I am learning how to be feminine, and I am forging new territory professionally. I am new is so many ways right now, and it will take time to adapt.
So back to The Art of Reinventing Yourself… Do I just start blogging? Using all of my current tools in their current condition; do I just start? And clean up along the way? Do I use my current blog address? Do I use my name? I can never remember how to spell la femme auteur anyway, and neither will my clients. And what does that title have to do with rebirth, other than my own? And don’t I want my image to be the wise warrior, not the french author?
I feel like I need to start from scratch, but I don’t want to waste a lot of time with design and formatting right now. I feel more strongly that I need to get my story out there, get people following me, get them interested in this next season of my life, earn their support.
So I need to make edits to my About Me section and write my first post. Check on the new domain, quick check on the design that I am already using.
4p My Solo Spokane experiment is coming to a close. Tomorrow I head to Woodinville. I will be helping Susie with her iris and with preparing for the Brown’s Annual Harvest Party. That takes me back to the west side. Edward flies back in tomorrow too, so we will have some time together as well over the next couple of weeks, ending 10/10-ish.
So my Solo Spokane experiment went well. My biggest disappointment was that I did not keep the weed away. I indulged more or less each day, however I felt at the time. I will finish what I have today and be free of that as well for the holidays. Just think – for the very first time in my adult like, I will be clean and sober for the entire holiday season. Can’t wait to see what I am capable of.
Other than the cannabis indulgence, it was a positive and rewarding time. I took pretty good care of myself. I ate well about 80% of the time. I put myself to bed between 9-10p almost every night. I spent my time devoted to reading, writing and ruminating. I produced a solid business idea, and I am fleshing out the details. I decluttered my home and detailed my car. I kept up my exercise program and learned more yoga. I took hot baths and meditated. I tuned in – deeply tuned in – and followed my heart every day.
Now – I lived it out there. I was 80% successful in my solo home experiment. The next challenge is morphing my shared environment. I will be with Edward, Mom, Tom and Susie over the next four weeks. That’s a long time to get lost in. How can I maintain my new disciplines? How do I keep my priorities my priorities? I’ll tell you what though – I am looking forward to being around people. I have enjoyed my own company, but I am ready for more.
I need to lighted up. I need to stop taking all of this so seriously! I am in the middle of this amazing opportunity, this amazing journey. I can sure enough smile, revel in it, and be grateful – with joy unspeakable.
What, do I think that if I remain forlorn it is a sign that I am responsible and working hard to clean up this unfortunate matter? Seriously, Sonya. Where are you coming from? Hasn’t life taught you that you should enjoy the journey? I can still hear Pop saying it. Enjoy the journey!
So smile! Be lighthearted. Keep your faith light shining. All is as it should be. You are doing great! You are smart enough. You are good enough. and doggone it, people like you. lol
I am frightened, but I am fearless. I believe I can do this. I AM doing this.