Walkabout: Day 15, Superstition Wilderness

November 3, 2016 ~ Thursday

5:30a Morning Pages ~ Gold Canyon, AZ

I am writing and watching the sun. What I mean is that I need to get an early start on the Rogers Canyon Trail, so I am awake and watching for signs of daybreak.

It is raining here, and I don’t know how that will affect the hike. Will it be cold? Slippery? I am allowing an hour of travel each way, two hours for the descent into the canyon, and three hours for the climb back out. I had hoped to beat the rain, which was forecast to begin about 1p. But here it is, and I will need to deal with it.

I would really love a shower tonight. I have not bathed since last Friday night. I am feeling it today. I’m not taking care of my hygiene at all really. I feel pressed for time every morning, and I feel wiped out tired every evening. Plus, I try to be discreet at night. What would be the point? I’m just going to get dirty again. lol

I am looking forward to this hike, and I am nervous at the same time. I don’t want to get lost, and I don’t want to miss the ruins. I was already disappointed to miss the petroglyphs yesterday. Regardless, it is said to be “beautiful and challenging”, my cup of tea. At 4.1 miles in then back out again, I am imagining my climb up Yosemite Falls, which was 3.6 miles. Will it be as steep and challenging? What will the rain contribute?

The mouse has to go, cute or no. He is keeping me awake at night with all of his scurrying and rustling and chewing. I have devised a trap with the tea kettle. He has been into the dog biscuits, so I dumped them into the kettle. I hope to trap him inside, so I can deposit him outside. I wanted to complete the duty last night, but I never did see him in the kettle. I swear I heard him, though.

I wonder if he is swiping the cookies and dragging them back to his burrow – which seems to be under my driver’s seat. At least, that is where he spent most of his time last night… doing God only knows what, but I could hear him. I cannot afford to be losing sleep on this trip.

I have been open to learning the message he has come to bring me. I keep asking the Universe to teach me. I think new creative ideas, which I wrote about earlier, is part of it. Last night I thought about my cleanliness, or lack of it. Surely something as strange as this, a mouse in my car – that made eye contact with me – surely there is an important lesson to learn.

Oh I am anxious, anxious, anxious!! I think I will do only two pages again today and start my morning “chores”. Walk Justice, reset the car, brush my teeth, get us both breakfast. I do not have internet connection here, so I think I need to backtrack to get screenshots of the hike and connect the GPS. I really don’t want to take the time to do that, but it may be necessary.

6:30p It feels so good to relax this evening, with no agenda tomorrow. I will head toward Santa Fe at some point. I may drive all the way through, or I may stop somewhere in between here and there. I am bunked down somewhere along SR-87, within the Tonto National Forest recreation area. This is another site for off-road vehicles.

I feel safe here, not like I have to hide myself. I don’t know whether that is because of the location or because I have two weeks under my belt now. I have been remiss to use the light much at night, and it seems I always have something to rise early for.

This feels like the first time I have been truly relaxed since embarking on this trip. It occurs to me that, even though I have “no agenda” and no one to answer to, I am still not playing life by my own rules. Hiding myself away, nervous about responding to texts in a timely manner, making all the right moves, don’t dare inconvenience anyone… When will I truly be me? When will I give myself permission to do *me* the way that I want to? And how do I want to? Just like this. Just like this very moment.

I cleaned up and put on fresh pajamas tonight. It felt wonderful to feel reasonably clean. Then I had dinner, my last can of soup. I know I need more calorie, but I just can’t fit any more in my stomach. I will be curious to see what I look like by the time I reach Florida. I am in the best shape of my life. I feel wonderful tonight.

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