Walkabout: Day 19, #nomakeup

November 7, 2016 ~ Monday

5:45a Morning Pages ~ South of Albuquerque, NM

Thank you, daylight savings time! I guess I should be grateful for that extra hour of sunshine I have been enjoying. We did our “fall back” on Sunday, so last night the sun set an hour earlier than I anticipated. I thought I was chasing sunlight before! I may need to start spending two days in each locale – one to get there and one to enjoy it. That would give me much more time to write and to explore, and less time just sitting in the car. I think I will do another calculation on days and miles and see what time might allow me to do.

The horizon is tinting orange and yellow in front of me as I am parked facing east this morning. A bit more light, and I will put my coffee on.

With the car running, the mouse has retreated and stopped its incessant chewing. I need to figure out what I am supposed to learn from him. Well, “figure out” is not the right term. I need the lesson to be revealed to me. I have said that I am open. I am writing that I am open too. What do you want me to learn??? I really do want him gone – or under my control. He is a source of anxiety I don’t really need right now.

Is that the lesson? That I need everything under my control – or gone? I thought I was relaxing control. I thought this trip was about learning to go with the flow. I feel like I am doing that.

Yesterday was all about disappointments and ealing with them, and feeling like I had made poor choices and dealing with that.

The view of the Rio Grande Gorge from the Taos Bridge was supposed to be beautiful, but all I could see was fog. I was excited to see there was a guided tour of the Taos Pueblo – the longest inhabited, working pueblo in the states (1000+years), but I rushed to get there, and the pueblo was closed.

I wandered into Taos, and I just didn’t like the vibe. It felt touristy to me, instead of feeling authentic (like Mendocino did). I didn’t want to stay, and I didn’t have money to spend either.

So I decided on the Enchanted Circle driving tour. I stopped and read all of the markers, and it was pretty enough, but I have already seen more majesty from the freeway on this trip, and it caused me an extra two hours in the car.

By the time I approached Albuquerque, I was toast. And I still had another 1.5 hours to the campsite I wanted. I dealt with all of that after sundown.

Was it a mistake to go to Taos? Did I just waste my day and my gas? How was I to know how things would work out, until I went there?

6:45a I took a moment to prepare my coffee and breakfast, which will be oatmeal (five grain), almond butter, and an orange. I have been debating whether I should record my meals. I am quite surprised how so little can sustain me. Until I am physically challenged. Then the first think I think is that I haven’t been eating enough.

I feel like I need to rush, to hurry up and get on the road, but I know that isn’t true. I decided on my activities and camps for the next two days, and I added up the hours for driving and exploring, and I know I have plenty of time. I am in a safe place, and no one is going to come kick me out. I am warm, Justice is content, still curled up on the sleeping bag in the back.

Why do I feel like I need to hurry? This is the exact pace I want to keep – relaxed, mindful, observant, thoughtful, present, aware, joyful, contemplative.

Today is Day 19. I am going to post about my necklace and the logarithmic spiral and what that means to me. I have already done my download here. Edward will be calling me at eight, just when I am ready to head southwest toward the lava fields.

We may be seeing each other over the Thanksgiving holiday. We had not planned on it. Dad does not have much space this year, and Jennifer has made it abundantly clear that she does not want to go the last two years. But I guess things have changed. Edward says she has been asking about it, a few times since he has been back in Virginia. But she only really wants to go because she wants to enjoy the beach, the pool, the hot tub, the lazy river, etc. It has nothing to do with me or my family. I don’t suppose I should expect it to.

I guess I have allowed a little girl and her hurt feelings to hurt my feelings in return. I should be grateful that she wants to come, whatever the reason, and use the opportunity to try to establish a relationship again. I tried before, only to be snubbed by her, and I refuse to play her power game. I just withdrew, and I let her have her space. I wasn’t going to chase her.

Edward’s mother either. I was totally snubbed by her as well. Now she has been coming around too, all because of the engagement. She never took me seriously until then.

There is a part of me that wants to shut them out now, and give them a taste of their own medicine. But this is my lower, shadow self, and I have the ability to choose love instead.

Where will I take my picture of my necklace for the Instagram / Facebook post? Shall I wear it and make it a selfie? That is probably the best idea. Then I can add the #nomakeup, which means more than the fact that I am not wearing any makeup. 😉

6:30p Brian’s Canyon Camp, near Cloudcroft, NM

Has lunch today just before our hike – I mixed a fist full of raising with about a cup of granola. I dumped it into the cup I saved from the casino and munched on it while strolling along the Interdunes Boardwalk at White Sands National Monument. I was preparing for the real hike, a five mile dune scramble called Alkali Flats, rated strenuous and anything but flat.

Edward just called, we chatted, and now I am feeling really sleepy. I will talk about White Sands in my morning pages tomorrow.

Dinner was delicious! I arrived at camp with enough time to boil the water for my goodies – hot blueberry tea and hummus. I had a dry powder hummus mix from my prep shopping, and I hadn’t tried it yet. I knew I needed ample, dense calories tonight after all of the day’s activities. You add boiling water, olive oil and a squeeze of lemon, and mix until thick. Oh it was tasty! I had two large carrots and some triscuits to go with it, and my belly is very happy. 🙂

Plan to visit Carlsbad Caverns tomorrow. It is a three hour drive, and the last hike into the caves is at 2:30p. That means a departure no later than 11a. There is a hike near me in Cloudcroft that I would like to get in before I go – three miles, so figure 1.5 hours (easy rating). If I start the hike by 9a, being conservative, I should have plenty of time. So backing that up, a leisurely breakfast, reset the car for travel, and viola! It’s a done deal.

I need to clean up too. Sandy. 😀

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