7:30a Morning Pages ~ Canyon, TX
I will be hiking Palo Duro Canyon today, heading up to the Lighthouse formation. Justice is allowed to hike the nearly six miles with me. It is rated as only moderate, with the ascent to the lighthouse being the most difficult portion. Justice should do fine.
I spent the good part of the day in Andrews, TX yesterday. Made a post on my “elemental” journey and took a run around Lakeside Park. I was not in a hurry.
Walked Justice around the park as I looked for a black duck feather. There was a jet black duck in the pond, so I knew the rare feather must be lying around somewhere. I found and collected many different and beautiful feathers before I scored the black one. A crusty, crodgety old duck actually hissed at Justice! What a mean old man. lol
I camped (boondocked) near Amarillo so I would be near the hike this morning. I found a local coffee shop, much better atmosphere than the one I visited yesterday. I splurged on a chai latte. It is delicious in every way imaginable. I need to assess my spending today to see if I am still on target.
I refuse to allow worry to enter my psyche. Yes, it could be scary that I don’t have a job. No, I have no idea how I am going to make college work. But I have this amazing opportunity, and I am not going to squander it.
I just finished Eat and Run last night. I thought I had been inspired to run my own ultra, until I put in my 5k yesterday. Running is hard work!But oh the beauty and wonder of the places you can race. And all of those long, lonely miles just call to me.
Why do I run? Because I can. A marathon taught me that it is possible to keep going, even when you want to quit. The guts I found to finish the Bridge of the Gods when I wanted to walk so damn bad. Running makes me dig deeper and harder than I want to.
I want to post the book, but I am coming up blank over what I want to say. Something about what it means to me to run. The simplicity of it; the difficulty too. The way I feel close to nature, how I breathe it in. Seeing the sunrise; watching it set. Pushing myself or just gliding by. Being in tune with my body, exploring the reaches of my mind, finding the depth of my persistence. Feeling the consequence of what I eat, how I sleep. It means all this and more.
I talked with Dad yesterday. He asked me about the winery and why I left. I have tried to explain it a couple of times now, and I fumble with it. I can’t really articulate why I had to go. The reasons are so much deeper than the words. I didn’t want to be a sole proprietor, and I just can’t be part of the alcohol industry any longer. I was passionate about drinking, not about wine. And I don’t want that to be my life’s work. That isn’t the legacy I want to leave.
As I take this journey, people are following me. I want to give them something worth following. I want to feed and nurture them. I want to inspire them. This is what I want to do with my life. I love where I am write (right!) now. Cute coffee shop, small town USA. Living, loving, exploring myself and our beautiful land, sharing my stories with others.
I love sleeping in my car. The world is my backyard. I feel so wild and so free, like the Mustangs that used to own this region. Hoof beat heartbeats. I look up through the moonroof at a starlit sky. I watch God paint the horizon with the sun’s going and then coming again. I feel the wind rock my cradle. I feel the rain tap-tap-tap on my crown. I am the center of the universe, the sacred observer. I am me – in my purest form.
Justice sleeps curled up next to me, and I snuggle and pet her in my sleep. God, teach me what you would have me to know. Lead me in the paths of righteousness, for your name’s sake.
The fifth element – the thinking stuff that permeates, penetrates and fills all the inter-spaces of the universe, of myself. You are welcome here.