7:15a Morning Pages ~ Madison, VA w/Cathy
I did not write yesterday. I could have stolen myself away in order to do it, but it didn’t seem right. Cathy got Mark up at 5:30a, and I woke up along with the alarm. There was no going back to sleep for me, but Cathy could have, easily. Instead, she stayed up with me. I just could not bring myself to leave her alone for the hour it would have taken me to write my three pages.
One of my lessons on this trip is being true to myself. But I don’t want to swing the pendulum into being overly selfish. I still want to consider other people’s feelings and needs, but no longer to the neglect of my own.
I also am challenged to think and weigh decisions with a long range eye. Yes, I needed to write yesterday. That is what was best for me, and it would not have really “hurt” Cathy. But I also knew I would have time alone today, and that taking that time would hurt no one at all. So when I posed my decision over two days instead of one, it was easy to make a choice that worked for everyone.
Except that my morning pages are supposed to be non-negotiable.
Cathy also talked me into coming straight on through from my stop in Kentucky, as opposed to camping for a night somewhere in the middle. I felt pretty alert on the road and thought it might be nice to have that warm house around me after all.
That gave us the whole day together, so it felt less rushed and more relaxing. It was nice to have a day without driving, aside from the grocery shopping, which Cathy drove us to and it wasn’t all that far.
I really enjoyed my visit to the Creation Museum and to the Ark. There is truly a good deal of scientific evidence for a young earth, which upholds the Word of God and the authority of Scripture. I have been expanding my understanding of spirituality, and I need to understand how this fits. Or how the rest fits, actually. I need to do more study and ask the truth to be revealed to me.
The Ark was massive and incredibly impressive. It is as long as 1.5 football fields and seven stories tall. It is the largest free-standing timber structure in the world, and it is an awe to behold. The exhibits were thoughtful and provocative and professional. I believe the flood really happened, and I believe there is evidence to support it.
I want to keep learning and growing. I have to believe there is a reason for this journey. I have to believe that God will lead me to this purpose, and that He will continue giving me opportunities to learn and grow and expand my wisdom and understanding.
I want to know more! About Him, about myself, about my fellow creatures, about this land and this world.
I still have no idea what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. Well, that is not exactly a clear statement. I have some ideas. I have the idea that I am to be a writer. I have the idea that I am to live closer to Grayson, Cameron and Julia.
I have the idea this journey is somehow leading me to my future, and that if I point my feet in the right direction, I will know what to do when the time comes.
I am learning once again to trust my instincts over my reason. This is not entirely foreign to me. I operated this way when I first moved to Florida. I saw miracle after miracle, and I was a part of something really special. I believe I have this opportunity now, again. To see God’s hand and handiwork and to be a part of something special.
I suppose I am waiting for the Call. I am waiting and expecting Him to drop something into my spirit so clearly, like when He called me to serve the homeless. It was undeniable, and I followed the Call with my whole being.
What is my present calling? I guess to do exactly what I am doing right now – with joy and faith. I believe He will provide me with all the resources I need – money, talent, time, people, vision, etc. I believe this with every fiber of my being, but it is difficult to remain patient and steadfast.