Walkabout: Day 54, Who are my people?

December 12, 2016 ~ Monday

10:30a Morning Pages ~ Jaycee Beach, Florida

I am so torn in my heart right now. When I divorced Rob, I felt I could divorce much of his family too. Like I no longer had to be weighed down by all of the negativity. I could just maintain friendly rapport with the people who did not hurt me, and the others I would just see when I came to visit, or not at all.

Then this happened with Papa Bob, and I thought about Grayson. He will never have a chance to meet and know his great-grandfather. And it occured to me how foolish I was to think I could divorce Rob’s family. We share blood.

The blood of Rob’s father flows through Cameron and Grayson. There is no getting around that. So I made a conscious, painful choice to belong. Only to be summarily shut out. I could not choose to belong. And my heart is wounded by these people once again.

Now I am confused. Is family worth fighting for? And where do you draw the line, if it is? Do I try to maintain and rebuild my relationship with Rob’s family? What about Edward’s mother and children? Do I keep trying to reach them? Or do I just accept that I have no family. Who are my people? Do I just form my own tribe? What stories are preserved and passed along?

I felt like the Universe was leading me in one direction, but now I feel crushed and unsure. What I am supposed to learn from this experience?

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