5:45a Morning Pages ~ last morning at Jim’s/Vero Beach, FL
I will be leaving Vero today. While I have enjoyed my visit, I am ready to move on. The kids have been leaning on me for a lot of things, and I’ve had only a couple of days out of the last eighteen or so to myself. Part of that is my own desire for bonding – with Grayson and with Julia. Part is my ease and accessibility. In either case, I have done what I have come to do, and now it is time to go, but not too far.
I will meet Edward near Asheville on Thursday. I don’t know why we need to wait until Thursday, but that’s the deal. He got us a treehouse on Airbnb! It’s one of two on the 34 acres of land, very secluded with gorgeous views. Check in is at 1p Thursday, and we check out on Monday. That gives us four nights and five days to talk about the rest of our lives.
He has a case of wine from Pop for us to share. I will show him around Asheville, explore the city, do some hiking in the land of waterfalls, and we will celebrate the New Year at the Phoenix in Brevard. I hope he loves it as much as I do.
I watched Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel last night with the ladies. It made me sad. I realized that the romance has gone out of our relationship. Instead of holding and carrying this inside, I “let my voice tell the story of my insides”, like the Love Warrior.
I need to start taking more responsibility for how our relationship goes, especially if I expect Edward to start taking more responsibility for providing for us. We need to become better partners.
Christmas Day was a mixed bag. I didn’t sleep well the night before, so I rose still tired and stayed tired pretty much the rest of the day.
I did make the beach for sunrise. I got some great pics and took in the beauty, blinding beauty of the sun and the cool, gritty grounding of the sand. I went in my new Christmas pajamas and sat myself right down on the sand and didn’t care a lick about what people were thinking or whether I was getting dirty.
It felt so good to be out there, and I was reminded of the vultures sunning themselves in the morning, wings spread wide to welcome the new day. I believe sunrise holds a special power for me. I would like to do some research on this.
I feel a little anxious and not much like writing. My shoulder is still very sore from my fall, and sitting with my shoulders rounded does not help at all.
I reset the car somewhat last night while I was at the park talking to Edward. I broke down the kennel and moved things around to prepare for the next three nights of sleeping. It felt good. I had haphazardly tossed things about since being in Vero and having to cart the kids around from time to time. It felt good to have things orderly again. I still need to load in my belongings from the bedroom here, but that should be relatively easy.
I will work through my finances over the next couple of days too, to see just where I stand coming into the new year. I think I am better off than I think I am.
I did not see Isabella and Drake again after Papa Bob’s service and celebration. I thought I would, but I just didn’t work it out. I’m disappointed about that. There are a number of people I had wanted to see, and that is my regret from my time in Vero.
At the same time, I know I spent each day exactly the way I needed to, so I can’t be too hard on myself. I have eaten my fill over the last couple of days too! I am anxious and happy to get back to my simple diet, though I have deeply enjoyed the abundance of rich food.
Speaking of food, I need to develop a food plan for when Edward and I are together. He is not accustomed to such sparse eating, and it’s hard to think of meals on the fly when you are roughing it. It would be best if I did some shopping for us and was prepared for his arrival I have plenty of coffee and tea.
I am really looking forward to 2017 and our new lives. Moving back to the east coast makes sense in so many ways, though I will surely miss the Pacific Northwest. I think Justice will be happy to settle down a bit too.
Will I ever settle down? I have been in Vero not even three weeks, and I already feel antsy to move around again. Will I always have that wanderlust, that nomad spirit? Or will I have gotten my fill with this walkabout? Will I always sabotage my chances for a real home and real connections? “No one has ever said they regretted spending so much time loving someone.” ~A Hallmark Christmas