“This month marks the three year anniversary of my very first solo camp,” I say to Jessi on our weekly Monday Magic call. “Three years ago, I thought my life was over. It was like my Un-birthday.”
“What was the exact date?” Jessi asks me.
“I don’t remember the exact date,” I say, “But I know it was the middle of this month.”
I am sitting on a bean bag in the creative lounge of my little apartment, remembering how far I’ve come. On the wall across from me is my painting of the warrior.
“Can you find out the exact date?” Jessi asks, her voice piqued with curiosity and excitement. “Three is an important number! You have to find out the exact date, and you have to celebrate.”
Later that day I dig out a stack of my old journals. I pull the one with the cover photo of Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and I flip through the pages. I scan the dates and first paragraphs until I find The One.
August 15, Mon 6:36p
Well, life turns on a dime. I have left Spokane and Edward and Mom and the winery. I am on a new journey.
I become engrossed in the memory.
I flip backward a few pages, and I am startled by what I read. I am totally unaware of what is about to transpire, deeply devoted to the dreams I have, wholly dedicated to the life I believe I am building, grateful for the people who are closest to me. I express an utter faith in the goodness of life, in spite of the trials and challenges facing me.
I move to the lounge space and curl into the many beautiful pillows and continue reading into night, into the most intimate details of my incredible journey. I was still in hiding when I wrote my book. There are so many shameful details I kept in the dark, hoping to bury them in the wilderness I wandered for two years.
I am seized by the understanding that my private struggles are not uncommon. I am seized by the notion that I should tell the whole story, especially the parts that trouble me most. “Let your insides out, and let the outside in.” Hadn’t I endeavored to live this mantra? Have I healed enough to honor and integrate my shadow – out loud?
The answer lies in this blog. I can only answer this question day by day as I decide whether or not I have the courage to publish every single truth contained within the pages of my private journal – real, raw and unedited.
My outer journey took me across the country five times over two years. My inner landscape is still unfolding before me – and before you, step by step, if I can remain brave enough.
I am publishing a new blog post three years to the exact date of each of my journal entries, beginning August 15, 2019. I am scheduling each post to go live at the time of the final entry for that date. There will be some days in which I did not record a journal entry. On these days, I will move backward and post the next oldest entry, unveiling one more step into the past that created all of this.
Most of the images are mine, taken on my galaxy android or by my sony dslr. A few belong to others, and some are more like personal *resonance* images I collected – meaning in some way they struck me as personally powerful, and I wanted to keep them by way of saving a copy to my phone. (I do well with visual cues.) I never intended to share any of these publicly, and so I did not record the artist or author information. I didn’t understand the importance of doing so at the time. Should you see any images here that belong to you, please feel free to claim them in the comments. I applaud your creativity, and I’d love to know who you are.
I am called Sonya Louise. My name means Wise Warrior. I am also known as Tomb Raider, Mountain Screamer, Shapeshifter, a Force of Nature.
I practice my art with messy hair and manicured feet. I have a Phd in hedonism, and I am a recovering perfectionist, a seeker, a shadow stalker. I spent two years on the road full time, following my feet and my fear into wild and untamed places. They know my name.
I learned first-hand that “there is a thinking stuff from which all things are made and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates and fills all the interspaces of the Universe”. (Wallace D. Wattles)
My spirituality is expansive, inclusive and primal, embodied in the archetype of the Nature Child, a mediary between worlds. The primary means of communication between me and Infinite Intelligence & Love / God / Source / Universe is through nature, the elements and animals. I aim to practice good medicine.